


best of you

by bxbyfxcx



Series: 100 ways to say 'i love you' [22]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, Nogitsune Trauma, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Pre-Slash, Stiles Stilinski Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but they love each other god damn it, not very romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 11:16:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19904851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxbyfxcx/pseuds/bxbyfxcx
Summary: “It’s not heavy. I’m stronger than I look.”Stiles knew that there was little solace to be found when lingering in the past. That didn't make it any easier though.





	best of you

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still not over nogistune stiles and i think they could've explored the aftermath so much moooorrrree. alas, im not jeff davis.
> 
> this is kind of an [overweight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16379282) part 2 lol. it's not necessary to this story but if you haven't read that fic please do anyway uwu

Life carried on the way it always does. With or without you, ready or not. Moving forward was the only option and Stiles knew that there was little solace to be found when lingering in the past. That didn't make it any easier though. 

So, he carried on. He tried to simply forget. That might not have been the healthiest way to handle things but he didn't really have time for wallowing. Not when he was living in town riddled with supernatural creatures hellbent on ruling the world or some other supervillain bullshit. He didn't know of any supernatural therapists out there; Morrell was too morally questionable for Stiles so she was off the table and all Deaton had to say were vague Buddhist quotes that Scott ate up but were a little lacklustre for Stiles. 

His dad had thrown himself into work, and understandably so. The station did get blown up and a lot of evidence and paperwork had been destroyed. They had become two ships in the night, only seeing each other briefly in the mornings, when the sheriff finally came home and immediately went to bed. Stiles didn't attempt to talk to his dad nowadays, settling for quick hellos and goodbyes. 

Kira always had a guilty look that settled on her face when she thought no one was looking. Stiles firmly believed that it wasn't her fault, he never blamed her. Some other supernatural creature would've come along and traumatised them in some way or another in true Beacon Hills fashion. He didn't want apologies, he wanted to talk about it. He couldn't talk to her about it. 

Scott always said "you were possessed". He never said "I forgive you, regardless" which led Stiles to believe that he did silently blame Stiles. He blamed Stiles for not having the same willpower as him to fight against it. Blamed Stiles for not trying harder. He couldn't talk to him about it. 

Lydia was the one who had to listen to Allison die. She's the one who felt it in her bones, seconds before it happened and couldn't do anything to help. She was trapped in those tunnels that Stiles dragged her to. Lydia was the one who had to hear Allison forever, He'd caught her once running her fingers against a dress they'd shared, hearing the memories they'd shared. Lydia had to live with the ghost of Allison around her forever. He couldn't talk to her about it. 

Derek, however. Derek never flinched or condescended, he never pretended to understand how it felt to be possessed by something. Have its consciousness nestled next to his own, curling its way around his so delicately. He played along, moving pieces on the board, trying to patch up holes on a sinking ship. "I bring out the best of you" it'd say, "we're not so different you and I". 

Derek did understand that part. The way they'd speak so softly one minute then scream down your ears the next, the push and pull. Being pushed into things, not recognising yourself in the mirror anymore. Watch yourself become a stranger, a passive voice that isn't your own, heavy eyes and heavier heart. 

"I remember being sat playing Go with it, then waking up covered in bandages, Peter and Scott were pushing at me and I couldn't breathe then Scott took them off my face and I saw them all again. I saw everyone's faces again. They weren't just chess pieces anymore- they were my family again but now they were looking at me like I was a monster." Stiles shifted a little where he was sat on Derek's couch. 

"I still think it's here sometimes. Like he's just letting me hold the reigns for a moment before he snatches them out my hands. Teasing me with the idea of control. I feel that same full body ache I got when I was separated from him... It." Stiles finished lamely. 

Derek spoke quietly. 

"It's real, you know. The pain you still feel. The nogistune might not have done anything to you, but-" he paused, gingerly lifting Stiles hand into his own, inky lines travelling up his arms. "It's real." 

Stiles tugged his hand back and pulled his sleeves down. He rolled his neck and sighed. 

"It's just hard knowing that no matter I do, or what I say, they'll never look at me the same, they'll never trust me the same as they did." 

"That's a heavy burden to carry, Stiles." Derek said, the worry evident on his face, a look Stiles had only seen a handful of times. Stiles laughed sardonically. He slapped Derek's knee and stood, stretching his muscles out. 

"Is it bad if I say I've gotten used to it now? _It’s not that heavy_." 

"You don't have to carry it alone." Derek pressed. 

" _I’m stronger than I look_." he said with a transparent smile. 

Derek looked up to the boy and wanted to tell him he was right. Stiles was the strongest person out of all of them. He was the one who deserved the title of 'True Alpha'. The boy who has looked certain death in the face multiple times and walked towards it armed with nothing but a metal baseball bat. He was the one who carried the weight of the world and said nothing on the matter. He was the best of them. 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is a hot mess but if u wanna go it's just [@bxbyfxcx](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/bxbyfxcx) if u go there bc of a fic send me a message and tell me!
> 
> pls feel free to comment or just leave a lil kudos :^)
> 
> 22/100


End file.
